chemo 4, 5 updates

Many visitors this week and last, it is nice to have so many people coming and going in the great city of New York. My friend Peter visited from Amsterdam, Siobhan's sister Sasha from LA, RAndy and Alice from DC, Amy from Boston... to recount the amazing meals ands times had would be unfair and uncouth, you will just have to come and see me for your self.

a quick recc tho if you are in NYC already--- Cao Guo-Qiang "I Want to Believe" at the Guggenheim is very entertaining, diverse, and visually stimulating.


so the chemos went more or less well
chemo 4 was good because i got onto a new insurance plan and now can access the "good" pills- EMEND! I had heard a lot about these super pills ($150 plus each) but then i have to say once i tried them... they really worked for me. The first few sessions i would have days when i could hardly work i was so tired and sick, couldn't really concentrate on anything and just wanted to sleep. These new pills, while not stopping that feeling completely, made me NOT CARE ABOUT IT to the point where i could just work and do the stuff i needed to do. This is the same way the painkiller pills i was taking 5 years ago when i got knee surgery worked - they did not stop the pain as much as make it bearable. I still feel bloated and nauseaous and tired but when i have these new pills i can forget about that and make some fancy art for the job.

chemo 5 was pretty good too but i guess the body is more used to the pills now b/c they are not the panacea they were last time. I have also been told that the midpoint (the apex of which i hurtle towards now) is the roughest, as your body is not fully used to the abuse of the chemicals yet and they are still fighting the strong bits of the cancer. Perhaps i have been a bit too cavalier as of late, trying to do most of what i did before and then being surprised when i am completely exhausted at 8pm.

I don't really believe in slowing down tho. I think it is important to push forward each day and do as many normal things as possible and not use the cancer as an excuse to sit and home and sleep. Unless, that is, i am tired. I guess i don't want the fear of possibly getting tired while doing something to overwhelm the inclination to go and do it. So forward we carry on into the brink...