ive got cancer

small updates

2008-09-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

for the completionists, and the ones who have hodgkins who will come later who will want to know all...

About a week out of treatment weird skin things started to happen. Not just one, or two, but three things at the same time. I got this weird rash on my wrist that went away, then came back, then went away again in the space of two weeks. During this time a strange grouping of red dots appeared just below my left sideburn (at first i thought i had cut myself shaving, but it was in fact a skin 'happening'). And to top it all off (literally) my scalp started going nuts with itching...

Since this is the year of strange medicine for me, I figured i would play it safe and see the dermatologist before this devolved into another year of chemo (and another blog). Luckily all was well, by the time I got there the rashes had gone down and the scalp healed itself (with the help of some tea tree oil). The doctor explained that much like a cold sore virus that lays dormant for years only to rear its ugly head, little things that the chemo and radiation had repressed were coming out of the woodwork that is my skin. As I had seen they would soon run their course and soon (hopefully) I will be skin-ailment free.

just so you know! thanks to all for the well wishes, flowers and the surprise party... you are so very kind

DONE

2008-09-17T05:57:00.000-07:00

yee-haw! it is over... the treatment that is. radio and chemo, done. now i just go in for a few follow ups and they will PET scan me every six months for the next five years to make sure its not relapsing.

but for now its over, which is nice. thank you all for your well wishes and thoughts.

they let me keep my face mask from radiation, which you see above

be well

j

Two more days of Cancer

2008-09-15T16:55:00.000-07:00

and then some time passed
Notes On Radiation-
-5 days a week I rise at 6am to be at the hospital at 730 am. This earliness allows me to get treated before the rush and to get to work on the prior rather than latter side of normal business hours. If i miss this window and have to go during the day it's around an hour wait plus. The way i have it set up now I get into work around 815.
-of course this would mean going to sleep at 10 if you wanted a solid eight, but that doesn't really happen. So while they said that fatigue would occur as a result of the radiation, i can't really tell if its because of that or just because of only getting six hours of sleep a night
-actually i've survived on a lot less then six hours a night, so i guess it must be the radioactive lasers beams they are shooting me with.
-so you get into the treatment center and head for the basement where they keep the radiation machines
-you remove the garments and put on a robe
-they lie you on a table and secure you; in my case they have made a mask for my face so my neck (which is receiving treatment) doesn't move during laser time.
-after they align me (thanks to the small tattoos they gave me) they flip the switch and deep inside the machine the radiation is created. -it shoots out at me for about 10 seconds. there is a small lead device that changes its shape depending on what they are trying to hit. this has the effect of blocking the rays from hitting vital organs such as the heart and the lungs.
-it then rotates and hits me from the back
- so you don't freak out when you are strapped into the machine someone has pasted a picture of a puppy next to a kitteh on the arm of the machine above you. when it rotates around then there is a giant mural of a blue sky and green tree branches. very relaxing, but not as fancy as the original room they had me in which had illuminated cherry blossoms on the ceiling.
- when they turn on the laser beams there is a distinct smell of electric oxygen and sulfur. this smell sometimes sneaks up on me during the day but can be banished with thought and perhaps a cookie
-quick and painless while being zapped
-usually i lapse into an absence of thought like sleep
-a few days after it starts you start to notice your suntan in the spots where it hits you. you also notice a little bit of being tired. -its never really bad, but its never really good. on an average day i feel about 64 out of a 100. kinda like it's always 545 and you're about to leave work. all day long.
-its more of a general malaise than any type of nausea
-but hey its short, and in two days it will be done
-and then maybe my diamond-pyramid-sunburn will go away

radioactive man

2008-07-28T19:42:00.000-07:00

Thats me in my alter ego costume (along with Metropolis city planner Siobhan Watson) during a recent summer soiré somewhere in brooklyn.

Note the pencil mustache. (gentle applause)

Meanwhile I have decided to continue the medical processes that will turn me into super-hero. Next up - R A D I A T I O N. They pretty much ask you right off the bat what kind of superpower you want so they can give you the right kind of laser-beam treatment. Most people go for something weak like flight or invisibility but I'm going for laser beams that shoot from my eyeballs. I figure that will come in handy, like if i want to light a BBQ or laser a flying insect. Or cut thru a plate steel door, whatev.

Basically the reason I chose to do this was because the doctors explained that while hodgkins patients who opt out of radiation have the same life expectancy as those who opt in, the quality of life for radiation people is better, specifically you don't get cancer in the same place again. Since we've already come all this way I figure I will go thru with it - its not as if if I keep this cancer then no other cancer will come along! So I might as well get rid of it and hope that the rest stay away as well.

Treatment starts aug 18. They have given me placement tattoos (tiny black dots on my neck and chest) and are busy developing some sort of beam pattern that will bend around my heart and my lungs to hit the source point of the cancer (found by comparing the several PET scans they have of the offending area from the past few months). This will kill the last of the little bastards and apparently make me sleepy and give me a little sunburn on my skin in the lasered area. I have to go five days a week, for about an hour in the morning. I have been to the waiting room before and it seems like it's pretty chatty, which I am not looking forward to, not because I'm a jerk but because I don't really get to much time to read these days what with the short commute and all. So the idea of tucking into some reading for a hour each day is kind of nice. I guess I will find out the deal in mid-August.

ok, here is a pic of me in my superhero costumearr i'll put one in your jaw

more cupcakes less hodgkins

2008-06-23T15:12:00.000-07:00

hi

so its over

i finished chemo 11 and 12

they were pretty normal as the last few went... a few days of feeling bad and then a general upswing until the next session knocked me back again

but that's all over now. siobhan made this lime flavored cupcake in celebration and ate it. hmm. hodgkins never tasted so good.

so now the thing left in the air is what to do about radiation. Since the beginning the consensus was (according to all the doctors) that radiation was necessary since the cancer was detected at stage 2. since i have been doing so well now they are saying that maybe, if the cancer is gone in the PET scan, then i won't have to do radiation. which is nice, b/c that means i will be able to not spend 2 hours a day waiting for treatment for 3 weeks. and i won't become even more irradiated than i am now.

so tomorrow (tues) i go in for another PET scan, and then armed with that info (and all the rest of the info i have generated up to this point) i can go around to the host of cancer doctors who have offered opinions (first and second) and find out the best thing to do.

thanks to all who have helped me thru this, you made it easier for sure. i will update in a few days when i know what is happening.

PROM '08 plus chemo 9/10

2008-05-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

So prom this year was fun, as you can see we got a corsage/boutonniere for one another and it all worked out. This is Siobhan and I doing our best prom stance. I remember this year as more fun than last - perhaps because of the impending gradation? Regardless it was as Siobhan put it "like being at a wedding with no bride and groom". The food was OK, they kept a tight grip on the liquor (even running out of the 'free' drinks quite early) and the DJ kept it dialed in on the same top 40 BS they play on almost every radio station everywhere (when are we, as a collective culture, going to decide that it's OK to listen to new music and that the same 150 classic rock songs don't need to be on constant repeat everywhere 40 years after they were recorded?) Regardless it was fun and there was dancing (both ironic and not) and i will say we had a good time.

Chemo 9 and 10 went as normal, i am in the grips of 10 now and will say that i am excited that there are only 2 left. Everything was pretty normal for 9, with the exception of the realization that the drugs were starting to get to me psychologically as well as physically. They call this "chemobrain" , and i hadn't heard the term before session 9 when i overheard it three times in one day at the center. The general feelings are forgetfulness, confusion as to how to proceed in everyday activities, or a general dazed feeling.

These are some strong drugs they are giving us and they do have more than the intended effects. The ones that i keep experiencing beyond the above are what i like to call little mind and big mind. Little mind is when i close my eyes and i get the feeling that parts of my body (specifically my hand) is about 20 times bigger than normal - the hand is as big as the rest of my body. Like if stick your hand right up to your eye, and imagine being microscopically close so you can see all the indentations and crevices and paths. It feels like my mind is tiny and swimming in a vast skull. The feeling doesn't hurt and usually goes away when i open my eyes a bit, and is usually only experienced in the first week after chemo, but there it is for everyone keeping score.

While i have been feeling "little brain" for a while i just recently started feeling the opposite last weekend - big brain. Same deal but the opposite - when i close my eyes i get the feeling that my body is as tiny as a fetus, while my brain as large as normal. Everything on my body feels distant and tiny. Again, just something i experienced while taking one of several naps on the couch, nothing too serious but something to consider in regards to how toxic the stuff they are putting in my is.

Speaking of which, some gory news - skip this if you are squeamish- i asked the nurse why they wipe off the port after each push ( the port is this thing they put in me each time i go to the hospital so they don't have to stick me 7 times) and she said that some of the stuff they put inside me can BURN AWAY SKIN ON CONTACT... whoa. No wonder i feel so good! I have super skin burning acid in me!

I just remembered i forgot to go get my shot today, i will have to leave you with that so i can run up there before they close...

Muppet Mayhem

2008-05-09T05:24:00.000-07:00

So thru some strange quirk of fate i know a few muppet wranglers who generously invited me and my friend james c. to their muppet wrangling facility at Henson Studios. below, a small end table from the old henson mansion...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
AWWWWWWEEEEESOMMMMME!!!!!!!!

i have to admit i was very quickly off sesame street as a kid, i preferred mister rogers for some reason. but going to the spot and meeting all the famous ones, it was something quite special. The facility we visited is where they store (and restore) a lot of the characters currently in use in Sesame Productions around the world. For instance, do you need some MUPPET EYEBALLS?!?!?! why, just go to the muppet eyeball drawer!!!!!

me and sir oscar the grouch!

then discusssing the finer points of peanut butter cookies with non other than c. cookie monster!

and of course what would be a trip to the muppet land without a little mugging it up with Bert?

james and mr broccoli had the same expression this one time. but he protests, he likes broccoli!

the multi-talented quadruple-threat annie fresh and I give the muppet eyes a tryout.
what else to say but thanks to annie fresh and andrea and all the people at the magic factory? the pictures say it all....

Focus on Healing

2008-04-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

so chemo 8 and then some...

this one was interesting in that i had my first instance of psychosomatic nausea - i started getting nauseous the saturday BEFORE the treatment. this came and went sporadically until tuesday, when i mentioned it to the nurse at treatment. She said that it was rather common, and there was a great range of known reactions and cases, one of the more extreme ones being patients who saw their nurses on the street and immediately start throwing up. Obviously wanting to avoid this fate i asked what they could do and they told be about a pill called adavan, another anti-nausea thing which is also anti-anxiety. They gave me one, and it settled me down, but i later decided that i didn't like it as it put me to sleep around 330, shortly after i had returned to work. As many of you know my foundation rock during all this has been my ability to work through the days when i am feeling bad - i find that when i am working i am able to forget the bad feelings and that makes me feel better. It also allows work to get done, which i like. So this business of having to go home and sleep for five hours then being up all nite (since i had taken a five hour nap) therefore throwing the sleep schedule off for the next few days... not going to work. I will continue to peruse other solutions.

One other option i have been exploring is brewing my own kombucha. Thru the knowledge and generosity of Paula Z i have discovered that the kombucha you brew yourself tastes 1000 times better than the swill they sell over the counter. And it is good for your digestive system, and as wiki says - The Chinese called it the "Immortal Health Elixir," because they believed Kombucha balanced the Middle Qi (Spleen and Stomach) and aided in digestion, allowing the body to focus on healing.

FOCUS ON HEALING! That's the motto for me. I am changing today's title right now... Anyway i made my own batch and just bottled it up on saturday, i will let you know how it all turns out.

other random mutterings-
if you live in new jersey check out the ironbound district in newark. holy portuguese food batman. i have never, ever had bacalao that good but maybe b/c thats because i haven't been hanging out in worchester enough. there is talk of planning a trip back to one of the all-you-can-eat meat fest places, coz it's about half the cost of manhattan. Seriously james and i drove around here all day and it felt like we were a million miles away from the NYC.

a good week

2008-04-14T15:46:00.000-07:00

so it seems that this cycle is one of those where the first few days are horrible and then the sky opens and the sun shines and the rest of the days are gravy. i have to take some of the blame for the first few days tho as i forgot to take one of the antinausea pills for two entire days, which could have been a reason why weds and thurs last week were so rough. i was also blaming the sunshine - as some of you know the chemo makes me very sensitive to sunlight so while everyone else was raising a glass to the heavens welcoming the advent of spring i was huddled in the dark wishing it would rain. regardless it got better, i have started taking the compazine (yet ANOTHER antinausea) as directed by the nurses, which was WHENEVER i feel even a LITTLE like i might be feeling nauseous. i hadn't been taking it because it was so light that i felt it wasn't doing anything, but i have to say now that i am taking it alot it seems to work. that and the Prilosec, a stomach pill that apparently does something to offset the fact that i don't really have a stomach lining at the moment (being that it is composed, like hair follicles and cancer cells, of fast growing cells that are the target of the chemo drugs). i don't know how it works but i do know that i tried many stomach medicines to almost no avail and this one little pill a morning works a charm - i even ate some smokin hot thai food this weekend to little ill effect.

incidentally, if you are anywhere near new york city go here before they close it down for being too damn good-
POODAMs 44 -19 broadway astoria NY 11103 718-278-3010
northern thai food, like nothing i have ever had before. a literal new taste sensation... ask for the special menu and be brave. fried duck mouth anyone?

but like i said it's been good, its nice to have energy, i am excited to get a lot of long overdue work out of the way this week. the lack of a sour stomach is also making me less ornery so maybe i will now be less annoying. or not, depending on your view, sitting there in your chair shaking your fist in anger at my words.

also, this weekend i saw some of the wheatpaste posters we did for rogan are up, its hoaky but i was really excited as i have wanted to have some of those up since i moved here 8 years ago, it's really expensive to have it done legally but finally... hooray!

chemo 7, PET scan report

2008-04-09T12:28:00.000-07:00

quick update
chemo 7 going well, all is as normal, day 2 is a little rough but its nothing i haven't done before. Got the results from the PET scan of last friday, things are progressing nicely, the cancer has shrunk to about 1cm (it was once much larger) and according to their other calculations the cancer is also reproducing a lot slower then it was in the beginning... so in other words the cure is working and we will soon be out of the woods and back to normality, or the version of normality that i am acquainted with.

enjoy your day

chemo 6 update

2008-03-30T15:54:00.000-07:00

purely functional post here, how do you do? chemo 6 was as the others are, nothing really new popped up and surprised me during the aftermath. i had the stomach ache for a few nights, but tigaduck and a videogame took care of that (tigaduck being the hot water bottle and the video game being "castle feud" for iphone, basically a trajectory math/shelling game that i remember playing a vector version of perhaps, oh, 18 years ago on an old commadore? it is amazing how distracting video games are, especially when you have a stomach ache.) stuck to the bread and broth diet for the first few days then segued slowing into some pasta. i am tired as normal around this time, but that might have been slightly accentuated by the extensive spa'ing (see below), next cycle i will abstain from spa'ing to see if that makes a difference.

I am going in for another pet scan on friday the 4th, we'll be able to compare this one to the original one to see how much the cancer has retreated in ignominious defeat. as usual with the pet scans i will be unable to be near pregnant women or young children for the rest of the day as i shall still be technically "radioactive", unless of course said women/children are interested in becoming irradiated and as a matter of course, superheros. glad to oblige, i have been one for a while and it does have its moments.

spas and shades

2008-03-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

first off, new shades for a new season. all those i have promised sunglasses keep an eye on the mail in the next week or so as the sunglasses make their way towards you. all i ask i you wear them as obnoxiously as i do (see above) until they break.

so much to tell - the spa, the spa! after peter's visit a few weeks ago the royal we were intrigued by tales of multistoried spas in china where you could get between the toes massages for 45 min for $3. Of course finding a deal like that in the city isn't going to be easy but Siobhan got a hot tip from her friend alexis about this korean place in queens... and i must say that two weeks (and two visits later) that Inspa World is a very special place. Conveniently not located in china, but merely close to the chinatown section of flushing, this four story indoor outdoor spa has me spinning: not merely because i have spent two eight hour days soaking in their many varied hot tubs, but because of the promise of what might be if things like this get more popular.

first, a quick description is in order- four floors. 1st floor :split sex, all nude naked time baths, mineral dips, wet/dry saunas, warm jets. 2nd floor- jade,gold,salt,ice,color,mud, and infared ray saunas. 3rd fl- outdoor heated fun pool, jacuzzis, and wet bar. spread thruout the realm are also many places to either take a nap or have a snack, or perhaps do both at the same time.

second, there are rules - most importantly no disrespecting and no discrimination. this sounds dumb but it really eliminates most of the willies people get when they are hanging out with each other in the nude. as getting nude and getting in the mineral bath are pretty much the first things you do here, it kind of sets the mellow tone for the whole experience. all of a sudden everything is cool, nothing is a big deal, everybody's friends and wants to share a planko crusted corndog in the outdoor hot tub. the place is really good about setting a tone and piece of mind that is relaxing on a deep many levels; yesterday when i was sitting in the "event bath" underneath a waterfall with green bubbles everywhere completely enveloped in warm water i felt total contentment and satisfaction. no desires, no wishes, no nothin just pure happy. like i said it's a special place, if you get a chance go with a bunch of people who you want to share an experience with.

the only thing to really be careful of is the spa hangover you get - i am still more or less comatose now a good 24 hours after leaving. soooooooo relaxed. like drooling.

Strange Side Effects So Far

2008-03-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

so this post is about the observed strange side effects of my hodgkins at this stage

number one is the indigestion. today it is my fault, as it was sunny and i felt it necessary to kill the taste of the sub-par chinese recently ingested (due to green bo being full and having to go to moon house instead) with some delicious chinatown ice cream factory ice cream. when will i learn? never! but really i get indigestion all the time now even when i eat well. It is much worse when i am on "the week" but even on the off week it is still annoying. perhaps i will go and purchase more upset stomach/heartburn products... the maalox and tums aren't cutting it. I guess i can ask the nurses for some type of pill but i feel that i already have so much strong medicine coursing thru me in chase of cancer hounds that i hesitate to add more. Which brings us to

point two-
excessive uptightness. I have detected a more anal streak coming to rise. i don't know if that is the absence of liquor in my diet or age creeping up or whatever, but i catch myself being a lot more uppity lately. sometimes it is things like fretting over work not done yet; needing an item and having to go buy it RIGHT NOW; getting really hungry and ornery; or sometimes it is being at someones house and they have a bunch of dishes in the sink and i get pissed off and just start washing them. "oh yeah, come to my house" you would say but to me it is a little scary as i have never had this feeling before- i have to think it is some sort of side effect of the chemo. should start taking antidepressants? some type of herbal concoction? the thing is that i don't like directly being beholden to someTHING to change my mood be it pill or herb, which is specifically why i have not told the docs: i don't want yet another pill/drug coursing thru me, pulling me yet another direction. so what then? meditation? aerobic exercise? breathing exercise? acupuncture? i don't know... i just hope i am not annoying anyone with it.

point three-
voices in the head

this only happens in the first three days of chemo, when "anything goes" anyway so i'm not worried about it. the first time it happened my mind just started going BOING BOING BOING as i was walking, not in time with my steps just BOING BOING BOING irrespective of any outside stimuli. another voice at this point popped up and said "what the hell was that?" and then it stopped. the next time it involved a mild barnyard obscenity and an innocent chinese man; the other voice simply said "that wasn't very nice" and then it stopped again. so whatever it is, temporary dementia or just a ton of chemical cocktails playing havoc with my senses it seems to be under some sort of chaperone so like i said - no problem.

off topic-
can you believe this recent spitzer thing? what a disappointment. enough has been said and read about it you don't need my two cents...tho i saw this today on elizabeth and houston and thought that it summed it all up very nicely. dumb. ass. dammit! such promise tho, wasted.

chemo 4, 5 updates

2008-03-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

Many visitors this week and last, it is nice to have so many people coming and going in the great city of New York. My friend Peter visited from Amsterdam, Siobhan's sister Sasha from LA, RAndy and Alice from DC, Amy from Boston... to recount the amazing meals ands times had would be unfair and uncouth, you will just have to come and see me for your self.

a quick recc tho if you are in NYC already--- Cao Guo-Qiang "I Want to Believe" at the Guggenheim is very entertaining, diverse, and visually stimulating.

so the chemos went more or less well
chemo 4 was good because i got onto a new insurance plan and now can access the "good" pills- EMEND! I had heard a lot about these super pills ($150 plus each) but then i have to say once i tried them... they really worked for me. The first few sessions i would have days when i could hardly work i was so tired and sick, couldn't really concentrate on anything and just wanted to sleep. These new pills, while not stopping that feeling completely, made me NOT CARE ABOUT IT to the point where i could just work and do the stuff i needed to do. This is the same way the painkiller pills i was taking 5 years ago when i got knee surgery worked - they did not stop the pain as much as make it bearable. I still feel bloated and nauseaous and tired but when i have these new pills i can forget about that and make some fancy art for the job.

chemo 5 was pretty good too but i guess the body is more used to the pills now b/c they are not the panacea they were last time. I have also been told that the midpoint (the apex of which i hurtle towards now) is the roughest, as your body is not fully used to the abuse of the chemicals yet and they are still fighting the strong bits of the cancer. Perhaps i have been a bit too cavalier as of late, trying to do most of what i did before and then being surprised when i am completely exhausted at 8pm.

I don't really believe in slowing down tho. I think it is important to push forward each day and do as many normal things as possible and not use the cancer as an excuse to sit and home and sleep. Unless, that is, i am tired. I guess i don't want the fear of possibly getting tired while doing something to overwhelm the inclination to go and do it. So forward we carry on into the brink...

Beard Papa

2008-03-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

hi all

first off, trimmed the beard. i had this big plan to grow it super large and then let it fall out... which never happened (so far)... and after that the plan was since the hair wasn't growing it would all stay the same length for the duration and i wouldn't have to be bothered with such fripparies as grooming... which as you can see (top left) didn't really work out.

so enter the razor and scissor and about two hours of precious time (including a bit of an involved cleanup involving a vacuum and half a bottle of drano). i had to trim it by hand, then about three complete passes with subsequently smaller numerical values on the old faithful beard trimmer, then some more hand... it ended up looking rather smart in the end, i must say, and weighed a lot less. i also now find significantly less food in it.

Woodstock Birthday

2008-02-29T15:14:00.001-08:00

special thanks to everyone who sent cookies and gifties and checkies for the old birthday. siobhan and i escaped (despite the driving snow) to woodstock for a little R and R outside of the city. i hadn't realized how long i had been here till we left. usually i get away every few weeks to go to boston but i haven't been travelling b/c of the big C. so it was nice to get away. the second day we were there the proposed one foot drop of snow did not happen so we got away with a few sunny, bright days.

here is the saugerties lighthouse, quite picturesque, no? they have rooms to let but you have to reservce them about a year and a half in advance... it is pretty cool tho and i think they have a fireplace. we were more or less constantly blocked this weekend in our searches for jacuzzis or fireplaces... thank goodness for used bookstores!

on the way back we checked out a few more towns such as kingston and poughkeepsie. here i am in the cancer healing dome of kingston (no, really) getting some good vibes. maybe that's why i still have my hair?

upon my return i notice my amaryllis has bloomed after two years of just giving me green long leaves. i had forgotten it was red...

chemo 4 report tomorrow or so, all is more or less well.

chemo 3 report

2008-02-18T15:33:00.000-08:00

So this round was weird, as in it was unlike the other two, which were unlike each other, so i guess you might say that it was normal. In that I felt weird.

The first day, tuesday, was fine, just felt a off. For instance I would be walking down the street thinking normal thoughts and some part of my brain would start saying "boing! boing! boing!" for every few steps and the other part of the brain would go "what the?" and then the boinging would stop. That nights sleep (and the next three or four subsequent evenings, when sleeping) were also characterized by lucid, strange dreams; the eating of a giant shrimp, larger than a lobster, stuffed with smaller shrimps and stewed tomatoes; racing a biplane against a messerschmitt along the manhattan bridge then barnstorming a parade of victorian officials dressed in purple & gray crushed velvet suits; and several others the details of which escape me now.

Wednesday night unfortunately was a repeat of the prior cycles first tuesday - i was awakened at around 2 am with a sour stomach and spent most of the next four hours trying to decided which end of myself to point towards the water. After that passed, and tigerente was pressed into service, I slept till about noon and then went into work. Recovery was about normal, i went to sleep early Thursday night after seeing Siobhan and helpers move things from the van to her new apartment (i watched the truck whilst they were inside). She has said au revoir to boston and allo to new york, and i am very happy. Friday i felt good, and Saturday i was even well enough to ride my bike for the first time in two months. Sunday Siobhan Ned Dara Kristy and I went to the Russian Baths on wall st to celebrate kristy quitting her job, and the sweating and such there did such a world of difference that now (monday evening) i feel perfectly fine. This is different than the last cycle in that last time i felt "ok but not great" for about 8 days after treatment (and bad for two of those days) and this time is was 3-4 "bad" days and then ok. I think given the preference i would say i prefer getting the bad out of the way to make way for the good!

of course it could also be a combination of siobhan coming back into town and retail therapy ( i have been buying books like crazy for graphical research since saturday) but i don't know. the adventure continues.

orange you glad i didn't say banana

2008-02-15T14:14:00.001-08:00

my mom visited me this past weekend from st louis and we got to hang out. it was a little cold walking around but we did manage to find something to do - we saw the sagmeister show at deitch, glad we showed up on saturday and not too much later, above is a picture of the actual wall of thousands of bananas they had installed, it was already a bit ripe and i have no idea how bad it must smell now. or good, depending on how much you like bananas.

there was also an inflatable monkey, which looked like it was made professionally. something is lost when that level of perfection is reached, a flavor that only exists in the made for the moment thing. later that night we saw many examples of this at the "kaiju big battel" event anney and keith invited us to-

although ostensibly a series of wrestling matches connected by loose storylines involving city-destroying monsters and the heroes that battle them, we found the show interesting just for the variety of costumes and monsters that they would drag out. The above lobster-looking thing was called "Call me Kevin", other monsters of note included Dust Bunny, Steam-Powered Boulder, and some type of surfing chicken. The costumes were really built for battle- these guys were actually wrestling in them, doing jumps and flips off of turnbuckles without pieces of tentacle or whatever coming off. i would guess it is some type of rubberized foam... my own predilection for making giant animal costumes to wrestle in was whetted by this event and made me wish for good health so i can get back to the important work of... making giant animal costumes to wrestle in.

sunday we relaxed, were meant to see chinatown's lunar new year parade but instead spent the day shopping for a tripod at B&H and watching movies at home. we did make it back to chinatown that evening for a little hot pot with ned, james, and mo... my suspicions were validated, grand szechuan has fresher veggies than hot pot city, there i said it... and the price was exactly the same , actually cheaper , $26 per person with tip and we all left full. unfortunately for james there were no live crabs this time, but perhaps next.

Tigaduck the Brave

2008-02-07T15:22:00.000-08:00

a quick word about my friend tigaduck -
last week when i had the food poisoning i was basically up from 230am till 630am clutching my stomach. when siobhan woke up she asked if i needed anything, and i replied that the only thing i could think of that would make me feel good would be some flat ginger ale ... and a hot pad. clutching my aching stomach in misery all night had made me remember that this used to happen in high school sometimes (for who knows what reason i would get stomach cramps) and we had this hot pad you could plug into the wall then clutch against your stomach, warming it up and making it feel better. Siobhan did not know where to get a hot pad but she did know where a hot water bottle was.... enter the tigaduck!

Tho to me he resembles a zebra taxi more than a tiger duck, tigaduck lives downstairs from me with our friend Ryan. He was acquired some years ago in Germany, where apparently he is/was as big of a deal there as Barney was here some years ago. (quick note- did you know that Germany is the largest economy in Europe? and that light travels 30cm in one billionth of a second [a nanosecond]?)

here is tigerente in action-

what makes tigaduck special to me is that he contains for some reason a hot water bottle. This I thought was particularly brilliant because you are always trying to keep the towel around the water bottle and it slips and you burn... not good news. this thing has a ZIPPED IN HOT WATER BOTTLE so you can put it in, hold it tight, and drift off to sleep feeling somewhat better no matter what your stomach says.

I just wanted to give a quick shout out to Tigaduck for helping me out, and to thank Ryan and Siobhan. For some reason i have a hair trigger stomach lately (i think last nite it didn't like the sundried tomatoes?) and Tigaduck makes it all better.

from wikipedia-
The Tigerente (lit., tiger duck) is a children's book character created by German artist and author Janosch. It is a little wooden toy duck on wheels, striped black on yellow, that is pulled around on a string by various characters of Janosch's books. It never gets a line of dialogue, but still has become by far the most popular figure ever created by the author. The Tigerente has since appeared on most traditional cultural icon hangouts, including posters, postcards, high school art projects, buttons, mugs, socks, umbrellas, cutlery, and nearly every item of children's furniture imaginable, and has been the namesake and mascot of a German TV show, all without ever uttering a single line.

Pandas, Wrasslin' , Brains

2008-02-06T14:46:00.001-08:00

so tuesday evening i had dinner with Anney Fresh and her fiancé Keith and they showed me all the cool stuff they brought back from their trip to Japan this summer, including the above Panda hat. It has always been my contention that a stellar costume can be made from just a few elements if those elements include a really good hat. This, my friends, is a really good hat, if you go to youtube and type in anneyfresh you can see her wearing it while judging the idiotarod.

all in all i have been feeling ok this second week of the second treatment, tho i have to say i felt bad tuesday. Not necessarily nausea or food poisoning or anything, just a general malaise. this i attribute mostly to siobhan returning to boston for a few weeks to sort out her affairs, and i think i was just used to having her here and then when she left i was sad. but she has assured me she is returning soon so i am feeling much better today.

later that night something quite interesting occured- the cancer jumped out of me for a second. Surprised, i just had time for one quick photo before we began wrasslin'.

i am sorry to say that he got the upper hand and was able to crawl back inside, for the time being. i just wanna say to mr hodgkins- don't get comfortable pal you're not gonna be there forever. i mean, don't like move in and change your address and start getting your new yorker delivered here, because you are movin' out. you might as well reserve the truck now, try and get a deal on some storage space, start asking leukemia and non-hodgkins if they can help you next tuesday, WHEN YOU ARE GETTING KICKED OOOOOUUUUTTTT!!!! coz my mom's gonna be there next tuesday and it's you and me bro and you - are - going- down. just so you know.

oh, in the super amazing good news department, look what showed up today-
have you ever seen anything so beautiful? so full of potential laffs? i am very very very excited about this new WOW version of CRANIUM!!!!! and can't wait to have a big screaming CRANIUM fest of my very own.

happy chinese new year!

Pictures of Queens

2008-02-04T15:36:00.000-08:00

This weekend, amongst going to both a La Chandaluer party (an obscure french holiday on which you must eat crepes and hold a coin while flipping a crepe in the pan to ensure good luck) and a Groundhog day party on the same day, Siobhan and I got slightly lost in queens and ended up at a place called Willets Point. It is right near the new Mets stadium and is like walking thru a third world country where they only sell auto parts. There is little paving and there seems to be no sewers, or only sewers clogged with giant sections of large trees. I didn't take many pics of the gentlemen selling used auto parts as that seemed intrusive and slightly foolhardy, but i did get a selection of other images i hope you enjoy.

No we did not eat here tho i hear from birds that the mexican/south/central american food around this neighborhood is the real deal.

The pictures are in no particular order

(top) many places flew flags of origin of the owners. this place i think was owned by americans.

(below)love that drop shadow!

the city is really up on keeping the streets and sewers here operational...

There were some monster trees around here, in defiance of the insane amount of pollution. Siobhan says they are London Plane Trees.

more handpainted fonts goodness

the view from the 7 train.

After that we went to Adam and Jessies house to watch the Patriots become, finally, defeated. But there were spicy brownies and commercials with dogs so the day must be called good.

The Return of the Feeling Good

2008-02-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

Ahh, saturday. After a few days of felling dodgy i am beginning to feel normal again. The waves of nausea this time were different than the last - the first few days i didn't feel anything (besides of course my own self inflicted food poisoning, see below) and then the next few days (thurs and fri) were a bit sickly, thursday by far being the worst. Thursday nite i came home and Siobhan made Pastina (little star pasta) with butter, which i shoveled in like a zombie spooning warm brains then trundled off to bed at the rockin hour of 730. Slept right thru to the morning, i did, waking up at 730am thinking i could use a bit more sleep. Which i have to say is a bit normal for the few days after chemo, i wake up and feel nausea, eat something, feel slightly better but still not good enough to get going, and then just make myself get dressed and leave the house for work. As soon as i get moving it's alright - friday morning i realized i was fine when i found myself (a scant hour after lying on the couch clutching the hot water bottle to my embattled stomach bemoaning my fate of having to leave the house for the day) hanging off a scaffolding by one leg switching out the battery on a stop-motion camera. It was only twelve feet above the ground on a dusty construction site that the thought ran thru my mind that potentially i was no longer nauseous.

So work continued as it does, i have found that the tactic of eating as soon as i start to feel bad still works, the trick being finding something tasty that is fast and close to the office. One of my current answers is the delightful ham and cheese on croissant from the Paris Bakery around the corner from my office. Full disclosure-it is actually a vietnamese sandwich place, but since they make fresh bread (and i assume are infatuated with Paris as a possible conceptual reality) they call is Paris, and i guess once you call a place Paris you might as well start selling croissants with ham and american cheese on them. Which i guess works out for me at this juncture so i'll stop complaining. Vive la France!

Friday nite was nice, even though it was raining cats, i met Siobhan and Alexis and we went to China Mirch in Murray Hill. We have been chatting about this type of food (chinese food made for the Indian Palette) for a while so were excited to try. Unfortunately we needed to bring a few more people (tho that would have made getting a table at this very full place on friday nite a rather imposing prospect) in order to try all the tempting concoctions on the menu. we finally settled on fried okra (which was presented like frites ) lollipop chicken ( little legs dipped in some mystery Eastern spice combination, my faves) basil fish (yum) stir fried tofu and veg (good shrooms) and singapore noodles (not enough curry). Overall a steller meal, made even better by the date pancakes and ice cream we had for desert.

maybe i should change the focus of the blog from "ive got cancer" to "stuff i am eating while i happen to be going thru this cancer thing"

Grace, i have been rambling haven't i? OK back to work for all of you, with one more recommendation - go see /rent "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" , it is amazing, all shot from the point of view of a guy who is paralyzed and can only blink one eye.

Doin' the Funky Chicken

2008-01-30T16:12:00.001-08:00

this is me in mid-chew. you can see the portable scrabble tile in the lower left (thanks suzanne!).
So had second session today, all went well. Am back up to 178 lbs, which is good, soon I will be back in bizness in the upper 180s. I must say I didn’t like 170, it made my butt too boney and nowhere I sat was comfy.

Dad and Siobhan joined me for the session, we again started scrabble a bit too late to finish the game, when all the chemicals were in me we were all neck and neck, within a few points of each other. We decided that the game was far from over and that this contest would be decided at another time. Hopefully next time I won’t be passing out free shots at the triple word boxes like I was today… I blame the chemicals.

They gave me a different kind of anti-nausea this time, it was a “push” which means a very large syringe filled with drugs that they put in thru the little arm port they put in me each time I come to chemo. It supposedly lasts for five days, which I believe, as it is now Wednesday afternoon as I write this and I have felt little or no nausea from the drugs this time (yet, knock on wood, last time day three was the roughest)

The only problem I had yesterday was my own fault, as I got a little peckish in the early evening and had a snack. UNFORTUNATELY that snack was some old chicken – I took a bite and then another, decided it tasted “off” and spit it out, throwing the rest away. Little did I know that this one taste, this paltry morsel of poultry would go on to do such damage and cause so much discomfort.

I eventually ate a real dinner, and as I was still feeling good went back to the office to work on a flyer for the Bindlestiff Family Cirkus (thanks caution), whom I had been wanting to do something for for quite some time and was determined to do something nice for, chemo and sleep be damned. Finishing around 9, I took a cab home and got to bed around 11. Then around 2 it hit – a sharp stomach pain that for some reasons known only to the uncounscious my brain decided to call C6. (WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF BODILY FUNCTIONS AHEAD. PROCEED ACCORDINGLY) Then it was up and down all night, barfing and reeling, half passed out on the couch with alternating cups of soon to be returned ginger and peppermint tea. Thank goodness I had at least cleaned the bathroom the day before so I had someplace clean to purge in. In hindsight, I could have done with some kaopectate tho as it took a few hours to get everything up, I think around 630 the stomach finally stopped cramping enough to crawl back to the bedroom. Siobhan was nice enough (seeing that she was up anyway at this unholy hour to make her work start time of 830) to go get me some ginger ale and a hot water bottle from downstairs, which calmed my raging inner midsection enough to let me finally grab a few hours of blissful sleep. What a lady!

Work was nice enough today to reschedule my noon for 4 so i still was able to do everything i needed to do. Thank goodness for all you accommodating people out there...

WEEKEND PIC UPDATE

2008-01-30T15:53:00.001-08:00

ok, long weekend, feeling good, lotsa action lotsa pics.

first off- the fruits of our shadez search- thank you st marks place sunglass merchants! as i said before the $7-$8 you spend on cheap shadez you get back maybe, oh , $100 worth of awesome feeling walking down the street with hot glasses on. my opinion. and if you loose or sit on them, you are only out your $8 and it's time to get another pair.

sunday nite ned and james accompanied us to hot pot city in queens. $25 all you can eat hotpot, $28 all you can eat hotpot and all you can drink (cheap) beer. what more could you want? oh, how about free kareoke if you reserve a room in advance?!?!?! can you say party time?
this trip tho we were more interested in the cuisine. i still prefer grand sezhuan near manhattan bridge (for the spectacular freshness of their veg) but this place won on quantity. that pile of beef and lamb there was about four times higher at first. james is eating a (formerly) live crab which he proclaimed to be the sweetest dish of the nite. i myself spiked the deck a little by eating too much peanut butter sauce, but it tasted so good on the little shrimps i just couldn't quit it.

and finally monday, day before CHEMO 2, we met kristy, alex, nicole and mike at Gahm Si Oak in koreatown where the ladies had an impromptu hat contest, the results you can see below...

everyone's a winner! we ate much food and chatted for about two hours, CRANIUM was mentioned (my sister is sending a copy my way as you read this) and this dinner party could be said to contain the kernel of the CRANIUM party which will be held sometime soon in which a lot of us will get together for food and cheese and CRANIUM BOARDGAME MADNESS!!!!!

Feeling Good Feeling Great How Are You?

2008-01-23T15:10:00.000-08:00

ahh... i haven't felt this good since the end of October. I am at the end of the two week cycle of chemical war so the body has more or less recovered from the chemical blasts of chemo given a few weeks back. My energy and appetite are more or less back to "normal" for now, i assume the next blast of chemo will knock me around a little again but for now i am enjoying myself a little, going out and doing things and not feeling like i need to be home on the couch drinking tea trying not to get sick. Today Siobhan and I are going to the East Village to look for a new wool hat for her and possibly some new shades as it is bright and cheap sunglasses are one of life's simple pleasures that i feel are slightly inexhaustible. why not have some hot lenses as you walk around the city? If you loose them, you are out $8 and just have an excuse to go get some newer ones. We will also be on the lookout for CRANIUM, which several parties have been teasing us for weeks with the possiblility of having a "cranium" night (cranium is a board game that combines most parlor games including trivial pursuit, charades, pictionary, name that tune and others into one meta-board game of uproarious fun) but apparently NYC is experiencing a CRANIUM drought and you can't buy one at any store... a mystery. One of many to be solved as we head out the door...

Too Much Ice Cream Makes Jason A Little Bit Quesy-21 Jan 08

2008-01-23T14:39:00.000-08:00

So today being MLK day and account of Siobhan and I having a glorious day off and also because it was brutally, brutally cold we thought it would be a good idea to go on a food adventure to get weird ice cream. I must say we started the day fine, as downstairs neighbor Ryan felt the calling to attempt to make croissant from scratch. As many of you might know this is quite the endeavor but we have to give high marks for not burning most of them and the last batch actually looking quite good. I must say that they were quite tasty too, them being composed mostly of butter.
After being filled up halfway with butter we decided to fill the rest with cream by making the trek to Kew Gardens to check out this ice cream place that was supposed to have very eclectic flavors. Siobhan, in doing research for her urban planning internship, had discovered this small ice cream shop deep in queens (one subway and two buses) that supposedly had flavors such as but not limited to: Lox. Herring. Sour Creme. Donut. Baklava. Ruggalach. and many more. Intrigued, and knowing her addiction would not rest until she was sated, I agreed to accompany her on the trek to find out if it was really as gross as some of the blogs put it or if it was merely all smoke and mirrors disguising a wonderful undiscovered (by us) gem.

So here i am eating a few scoops of birthday cake and halvah ice cream. The place is called Max & Mina's, and i must say for it being around 20˙ out the place was doing a great biz of local hasidic people and their many many children. I can't imagine what it's like when it's hot out. Anyway, on account of it being so cold, the truly weird flavors (herring?) were not around, tho we did try some 'nova lox' which actually did taste like salmon. it was interesting but not interesting enough (read: gross) to actually eat a whole scoop. the thing we found that we liked was that they had a lot of flavors (fruity pebbles, donut, birthday cake) that consisted of a base mixed with some stuff. after both eating two servings we saw a girl walk out with an "oreo explosion" that actually lived up to the name, so at some point this summer i could see bringing the bikes out here and giving it another shot.

Stomach update: later this evening we had a wonderful dinner with my former roommate Matt Tait and his wife Claudia. They made a pork neapolitan pasta sauce which, along with their lovely company, was superb. Claudia reminded me of why i was drinking Milk Thistle Tea- it is a strong anti-oxidant that helps your liver clean things out. Since part of the whole chemical battle is getting all the dead things (and more importantly, the toxicity left over from all the chemo) out of my body I was very interested in helping out the old liver. As some of you know i am further helping the liver during this time by not imbibing any alcohol for the duration. I do miss beer, but not as much as i am going to miss it once it gets warm!

Real Stomach Update - don't eat so much butter and cream. you will pay later. in the middle of the night. yechhh.

but to end on a nice note, a sunset view of queens

Things are Looking Up - Fri 18 Jan- Sat 19 Jan

2008-01-23T14:22:00.001-08:00

So friday I felt better, and I got to see my sister Julie and her husband Mark who came into town (just to see me!). We started out with Dim Sum in Chinatown, and i have to say getting there at 1130 makes all the difference as we had everything to choose from and no competition from large groups of elderly Chinese people hell bent on eating all the food!!!
Later on we tried to go to Resto but it was full so we ended up on 6th st in the east village trying to decide which indian joint had the most lights. you can see who won above, and who won below
yes we filled Mark up with indian food, then some beer, then went to a Neo-Futurists performance of Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind, an experimental play series where they perform 30 original plays in 60 minutes. Very entertaining, thought it would be nice for a spot of culture after a week of work.

The next morning, brunch (can you see a thread here of how i am taking the tactic of eating anytime i feel nauseous quite literally?!?) then ice skating. A few days ago i thought this would be impossible but as the chemical war within settles down a little and my body regains control i am feeling better, and as you see below, quite capable of skating around the ice (dull skates and two inches of powder be damned).
this was all on occasion of Christy, Alex's GF, friend of Siobhan and I, her birthday. Yes we brought cookies and later ate hamburgers at Dram Shoppe. My formerly lauded skill at bar shuffleboard apparently has been negated by some pill or the other as i found myself completely useless at the boards and with that we called it a day well spent.

not every day is golden, but rotisserie chicken is

2008-01-18T15:41:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was a bit rough on the old nausea. None of the pills (not even the green one) seemed to do any good all day. as I navigated myself thru this day, drinking as much water as possible and sitting thru one of the twice yearly "long meetings" I figured out that this nausea thing is going to be a learn-as-you-go-experience, like everything else it seems. so, instead of moaning about the vague feeling of unease and burpiness that accompanied me all day i will list the THINGS I LEARNED:

1. If you feel nauseous go eat something
2. That something shouldn't be just pizza
3. That something, if it is pizza, should not be followed by another slice of pizza at a different pizza place, both of which happen to be near work but neither of which had ever been tried because i was under the correct impression that they were A-gross B-slow and C-overpriced. Well, sbarros' was AC and the little Italian joint on Hester AB so thats two losers. Three if you count me, who was cranky and irratible all day no matter how many damn pills i ate (the two compazine i took made my jaw ache a little today, so that means no more of that).

The cure? The Salvation? The Thing to Do?

4. Eat a Good Meal! I met Dallas Mo BenSparks Shane and Kim! in park slope at Poco Rosa and had me some rotisserie chicken, spinich mashed pototos and tacu-tacu. Yes, i should have pics but like i said i was cranky till the smooth juices of Rotisserie Goodness crossed mine lips and soothed the beast within. Conversation ran smoothly, gossip exchanged, information related and exposed, Kim explained how to make a fireworks display that looks great on still photos but kinda crappy in the sky, Ben cleaned all plates for the asking, and Mo told some amusing anecdotes about escaping twelve feet of snow and relatives.

5. Get some proper sleep.

so that was yesterday, today went pretty smooth (as smooth goes) so lets see if i can take this information and make myself more comfortable as the chemical battle inside me rages on.

First Chemo! 15 Jan

2008-01-16T17:08:00.000-08:00

First Chemo Today. very smooth, played scrabble with Siobhan, ate pumpkin bread, antioxidant trail mix, and root veggie potato chips. The chemo place is conveniently located very near the one manhattan location of Trader Giotto so it is easy to eat well. For those who want to know i am on the ABVD regimen. Here i am making a move on the wonderful Travel Scrabble set Suzanne so generously loaned...

no real nausea or anything right away, i left and went back to work. Around two hours later tho i started to shake a little, and at first thought it was psychosomatic since they told me it might happen. Then the teeth started to chatter, and i couldn't really type, so i thought "hmm, i should give them a call." or should i say "Hi-i-i-i-ii sho-o-oo-o-u-u-l-d c-c-c-c-all th-ththth-them". They told me to take one of the green pills (yay green pill) and some Benadryl (an antihistamine) and whaddya know? no more shakin'! i jumped on the train to go uptown for a meeting and grabbed a slice and some ginger ale on the way. After about an hour i noticed something different - super energy boost! I met Rogan and Ned, did an install, ate a burger, went back to the office, finished work, started this blog, went home at 1130 still full of fire and chatted with the roomies for an hour before figuring i should settle down. this from a guy who can't usually make it past 1030 lately! i was very excited to get some of the old energy back... until i told the nurses today and they told me that the green pill (dexamethasone) is a steroid and gives you a "boost". Ah well it was worth it i got the work done...

hospital pt deux

2008-01-16T16:58:00.001-08:00

a small party was made for me by my friends on Jan 5, the day after they drained the heart fluid. oddly enough the pic shows two bottles of lemon lime gatorade, which is interesting for two reasons - the first being that two of those bottles is about liter, which is how much fluid they removed from the sack around my heart, and the second was it was EXACTLY THE COLOR OF GATORADE, which i had been drinking like mad in the days before the hospital visit in an effort to stay hydrated. A Mystery? or a Solution?

siobhan claims there were more people than this around but i was a bit out of it. i was happy to see them all and they brought me some very nice books and more importantly, travel scrabble with word dictionary. this will figure in very importantly in days to come, my friends.

some hot pix from the hospital

2008-01-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

here i am in the ER getting lots of red dot EKG patches put on- i had quite the collection going. it hurts when they rip it off tho and it takes the chest hair. yaouch.

this is after i got moved to Oncology ward after the heart draining (see below). they gave me some new threads, i shoulda swiped the robe, it was pinstriped.

i also should have kept these nice socks. the little toe breeze was key in keeping it com-for-tab dans le hopital

i've got cancer

2008-01-15T19:39:00.001-08:00

hi everyone

(scroll to bottom for ten second version)

as some of you might have heard, i've got cancer. wait, if you hadn't heard yet don't freak out and start crying, its called hodgkins lymphoma and it is very treatable and very non threatening. its one of the cancers they actually refer to as "the good cancer" because it responds so well to treatment (over 90% cure rate). i am fine with all this, kindof treating it like the car needs to get fixed, but UNLIKE the madagascar truck i'm gonna do it right this time (chemo starts tuesday!).

the long story alot of you have heard, it basically starts back around thanksgiving when i was feeling the general holiday malaise and tiredness. this progressed to loss of appetite, night sweats and fevers. when one day i came to work and realized that i could not stand the thought or taste of chinese food i knew something was wrong - so i went to the doctor. they took some blood, and some scans, and saw a mass in my center top chest. i next went for a cat scan, at which they thought something might be serious. during this the holiday came and went, and i went for something called a PET scan which is like a super radioactive scan. this showed a fluid buildup in my heart and lungs (due to my lymph nodes inactivity due to cancer) which meant i had to go to the hospital right away. i went in on thursday the 3rd, they drained my heart sac with a big needle on friday the 4th (took out over a liter, boy did i feel better), i watched many a western and american gladiators on the 5-6th, got a biopsy done on the lmyph nodes on the 7th, got bone marrow taken out for testing on the 8th, recovered and went home the 9th. the tests all came back as the doctors had hoped (there are far worse fates for cancers, diseases, etc than this one) and i was diagnosed on the 9th of jan.

then i got out and went to work for a little, went home and slept, then came back today (10th) and worked all day. "but jason, you've got cancer, you should be feeling sorrow and pain and darkness and trying to get out of working" aha, but i did that before, with the knee, and this time i can walk and i don't feel that bad and the drugs they give you for all this have much improved to the point where you just go do the treatment and life goes on.

-----------

commonly asked questions-

how did you get this disease?

it is genetic but before chemo came around they couldn't cure it. some engdahl back in the day probably dropped from it and they just wrote it off to the plague or something. consumption?

how long is the treatment?

6 months

will you be really weak and need to be waited on hand and foot during chemo?

i don't think so, all the doctors said the anti-nausea meds they have now are quite good and you can pretty much go back to work same day. my greatest wish is to continue life as close to normal as possible tho so i assume it will be biz as usual. i assure you if i need any help i will reach out to you, my friends and family.

but i really want to do something for you because i do things for people etc...

the best thing you can do is give blood or platelets. as hackett noted "it makes you feel light headed and giddy, just like all the medievel bloodletters claimed!" thats true, but it also helps all types of people like me who randomly end up in the hospital or with cancer. a lot of chemo patients need platelets for their work coz it messes them up so much. when i was giving blood i gave at NY blood center

http://www.nybloodcenter.org/index.jsp

they will give you cookies and juice and let you watch tv shows like "dogs with jobs"

aren't you worried/scared/freaking out/breaking stuff/blaming someone?

nope. something things happen and you just have to take care of it. it could be much worse. i appreciate all the thoughts and wishes people have sent my way and will definitely tell you if i need errands/cleaning/alternative medicines/food

will you lose you hair?

only the stuff that grows fast, and that might grow back really thick. so maybe i won't be so "thinning" anymore! shane has offered to ritually shore my locks so i will let you know when that happens

are you going to get a nice new set of hats or just some really cheap wigs?

probably a few of both

---------

so that's the long and short of it, feel free to email me with any questions, i just wanted to let everyone know because you can imagine telling the story over the phone gets you only the ten second version (see below). feel free to pass this info on to anyone i forgot, no secrets here.

and remember it's all gonna be ok.

hugs for ever

jason

TEN SECOND VERSION

I HAVE SOMETHING CALLED HODGKINS LYMPHOMA IT IS A VERY COMMON CURABLE FORM OF CANCER WHICH REPONDS WELL TO CHEMO WHICH I START ON TUESDAY. THE CURE RATE IS OVER 90% AND I AM GOING TO BE FINE THO I WILL LOSE MY FINE FLOWING LOCKS.

2008-01-15T19:24:00.000-08:00