chemo 6 update

purely functional post here, how do you do? chemo 6 was as the others are, nothing really new popped up and surprised me during the aftermath. i had the stomach ache for a few nights, but tigaduck and a videogame took care of that (tigaduck being the hot water bottle and the video game being "castle feud" for iphone, basically a trajectory math/shelling game that i remember playing a vector version of perhaps, oh, 18 years ago on an old commadore? it is amazing how distracting video games are, especially when you have a stomach ache.) stuck to the bread and broth diet for the first few days then segued slowing into some pasta. i am tired as normal around this time, but that might have been slightly accentuated by the extensive spa'ing (see below), next cycle i will abstain from spa'ing to see if that makes a difference.

I am going in for another pet scan on friday the 4th, we'll be able to compare this one to the original one to see how much the cancer has retreated in ignominious defeat. as usual with the pet scans i will be unable to be near pregnant women or young children for the rest of the day as i shall still be technically "radioactive", unless of course said women/children are interested in becoming irradiated and as a matter of course, superheros. glad to oblige, i have been one for a while and it does have its moments.

spas and shades

first off, new shades for a new season. all those i have promised sunglasses keep an eye on the mail in the next week or so as the sunglasses make their way towards you. all i ask i you wear them as obnoxiously as i do (see above) until they break.

so much to tell - the spa, the spa! after peter's visit a few weeks ago the royal we were intrigued by tales of multistoried spas in china where you could get between the toes massages for 45 min for $3. Of course finding a deal like that in the city isn't going to be easy but Siobhan got a hot tip from her friend alexis about this korean place in queens... and i must say that two weeks (and two visits later) that Inspa World is a very special place. Conveniently not located in china, but merely close to the chinatown section of flushing, this four story indoor outdoor spa has me spinning: not merely because i have spent two eight hour days soaking in their many varied hot tubs, but because of the promise of what might be if things like this get more popular.

first, a quick description is in order- four floors. 1st floor :split sex, all nude naked time baths, mineral dips, wet/dry saunas, warm jets. 2nd floor- jade,gold,salt,ice,color,mud, and infared ray saunas. 3rd fl- outdoor heated fun pool, jacuzzis, and wet bar. spread thruout the realm are also many places to either take a nap or have a snack, or perhaps do both at the same time.

second, there are rules - most importantly no disrespecting and no discrimination. this sounds dumb but it really eliminates most of the willies people get when they are hanging out with each other in the nude. as getting nude and getting in the mineral bath are pretty much the first things you do here, it kind of sets the mellow tone for the whole experience. all of a sudden everything is cool, nothing is a big deal, everybody's friends and wants to share a planko crusted corndog in the outdoor hot tub. the place is really good about setting a tone and piece of mind that is relaxing on a deep many levels; yesterday when i was sitting in the "event bath" underneath a waterfall with green bubbles everywhere completely enveloped in warm water i felt total contentment and satisfaction. no desires, no wishes, no nothin just pure happy. like i said it's a special place, if you get a chance go with a bunch of people who you want to share an experience with.

the only thing to really be careful of is the spa hangover you get - i am still more or less comatose now a good 24 hours after leaving. soooooooo relaxed. like drooling.

Strange Side Effects So Far

so this post is about the observed strange side effects of my hodgkins at this stage

number one is the indigestion. today it is my fault, as it was sunny and i felt it necessary to kill the taste of the sub-par chinese recently ingested (due to green bo being full and having to go to moon house instead) with some delicious chinatown ice cream factory ice cream. when will i learn? never! but really i get indigestion all the time now even when i eat well. It is much worse when i am on "the week" but even on the off week it is still annoying. perhaps i will go and purchase more upset stomach/heartburn products... the maalox and tums aren't cutting it. I guess i can ask the nurses for some type of pill but i feel that i already have so much strong medicine coursing thru me in chase of cancer hounds that i hesitate to add more. Which brings us to

point two-
excessive uptightness. I have detected a more anal streak coming to rise. i don't know if that is the absence of liquor in my diet or age creeping up or whatever, but i catch myself being a lot more uppity lately. sometimes it is things like fretting over work not done yet; needing an item and having to go buy it RIGHT NOW; getting really hungry and ornery; or sometimes it is being at someones house and they have a bunch of dishes in the sink and i get pissed off and just start washing them. "oh yeah, come to my house" you would say but to me it is a little scary as i have never had this feeling before- i have to think it is some sort of side effect of the chemo. should start taking antidepressants? some type of herbal concoction? the thing is that i don't like directly being beholden to someTHING to change my mood be it pill or herb, which is specifically why i have not told the docs: i don't want yet another pill/drug coursing thru me, pulling me yet another direction. so what then? meditation? aerobic exercise? breathing exercise? acupuncture? i don't know... i just hope i am not annoying anyone with it.

point three-
voices in the head

this only happens in the first three days of chemo, when "anything goes" anyway so i'm not worried about it. the first time it happened my mind just started going BOING BOING BOING as i was walking, not in time with my steps just BOING BOING BOING irrespective of any outside stimuli. another voice at this point popped up and said "what the hell was that?" and then it stopped. the next time it involved a mild barnyard obscenity and an innocent chinese man; the other voice simply said "that wasn't very nice" and then it stopped again. so whatever it is, temporary dementia or just a ton of chemical cocktails playing havoc with my senses it seems to be under some sort of chaperone so like i said - no problem.


off topic-
can you believe this recent spitzer thing? what a disappointment. enough has been said and read about it you don't need my two cents...tho i saw this today on elizabeth and houston and thought that it summed it all up very nicely. dumb. ass. dammit! such promise tho, wasted.

chemo 4, 5 updates

Many visitors this week and last, it is nice to have so many people coming and going in the great city of New York. My friend Peter visited from Amsterdam, Siobhan's sister Sasha from LA, RAndy and Alice from DC, Amy from Boston... to recount the amazing meals ands times had would be unfair and uncouth, you will just have to come and see me for your self.

a quick recc tho if you are in NYC already--- Cao Guo-Qiang "I Want to Believe" at the Guggenheim is very entertaining, diverse, and visually stimulating.


so the chemos went more or less well
chemo 4 was good because i got onto a new insurance plan and now can access the "good" pills- EMEND! I had heard a lot about these super pills ($150 plus each) but then i have to say once i tried them... they really worked for me. The first few sessions i would have days when i could hardly work i was so tired and sick, couldn't really concentrate on anything and just wanted to sleep. These new pills, while not stopping that feeling completely, made me NOT CARE ABOUT IT to the point where i could just work and do the stuff i needed to do. This is the same way the painkiller pills i was taking 5 years ago when i got knee surgery worked - they did not stop the pain as much as make it bearable. I still feel bloated and nauseaous and tired but when i have these new pills i can forget about that and make some fancy art for the job.

chemo 5 was pretty good too but i guess the body is more used to the pills now b/c they are not the panacea they were last time. I have also been told that the midpoint (the apex of which i hurtle towards now) is the roughest, as your body is not fully used to the abuse of the chemicals yet and they are still fighting the strong bits of the cancer. Perhaps i have been a bit too cavalier as of late, trying to do most of what i did before and then being surprised when i am completely exhausted at 8pm.

I don't really believe in slowing down tho. I think it is important to push forward each day and do as many normal things as possible and not use the cancer as an excuse to sit and home and sleep. Unless, that is, i am tired. I guess i don't want the fear of possibly getting tired while doing something to overwhelm the inclination to go and do it. So forward we carry on into the brink...

Beard Papa

hi all

first off, trimmed the beard. i had this big plan to grow it super large and then let it fall out... which never happened (so far)... and after that the plan was since the hair wasn't growing it would all stay the same length for the duration and i wouldn't have to be bothered with such fripparies as grooming... which as you can see (top left) didn't really work out.

so enter the razor and scissor and about two hours of precious time (including a bit of an involved cleanup involving a vacuum and half a bottle of drano). i had to trim it by hand, then about three complete passes with subsequently smaller numerical values on the old faithful beard trimmer, then some more hand... it ended up looking rather smart in the end, i must say, and weighed a lot less. i also now find significantly less food in it.